December 22, 2005

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Bush to world: ‘My bad’

Vows never to make decision based on intelligence again

Days after admitting that his decision to go to war in Iraq was based on faulty intelligence, President George W. Bush issued a two-word statement to the world: “My bad.”

Appearing in front of a giant blue-and-gold placard with the words “My Bad” emblazoned on it, the president lashed out at the faulty intelligence that led to his decision to go to war two years ago.

“Faulty intelligence got us into this mess,” Mr. Bush said. “But I have learned my lesson, and I will never make another decision based on intelligence again.”

According to one White House aide, the president hopes that his “My bad” statement will be the defining moment of his presidency: “Ronald Reagan will always be remembered for saying, ‘Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall,’ and President Bush wants to be remembered for ‘My bad.’”

In the House of Commons in London, British Prime Minister Tony Blair echoed Mr. Bush’s words, giving a one-word speech in which the phrase “My bad” was loosely translated as “Sorry.”

In Iraq, today marked the first day of a new military mission the Defense Depart-ment is calling “Operation Massive Apology,” as U.S. planes dropped thousands of leaflets with the words “My bad” translated into Arabic.

The Defense Department pronounced the operation a success, except for one incident in Baghdad, where a two-ton bundle of leaflets failed to separate in midair and crushed a parked Subaru.

Elsewhere, an archeologist in Guatemala discovered a 2,000-year-old Mayan mural featuring what is believed to be the earliest depiction of Mick Jagger.


For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.