December 7, 2006

Silicon Valley Mom

Fishy Anniversary Gift

By Dona Nichols
Special to the Times

Ralph and I had our first date on the Fourth of July and got married exactly one year later. Our anniversaries have always been festive and it seems like the whole country is celebrating with fireworks.

I thought we’d celebrate our most recent one, which was also our 15th anniversary, by doing something incredibly romantic. After all, we had survived the paper, aluminum and rotted wood anniversaries in order to arrive at the coveted crystal anniversary.

My husband’s always been such a romantic and so good at surprises that I figured he’d go all out and buy a complete set of crystal—wine glasses, goblets, aperitifs, etc. I try not to get too curious about these things because I want to react with sincere and honest surprise.

In my mind’s eye he was going to go totally overboard with the whole crystal thing. Not only would there be a complete set of fine crystal lining our hallway and staircase, but also Swarovski crystal beads scattered across the bedroom and of course, the bed. And, of course, the way crystal twinkles in the candlelight would make any woman weak at the knees.

But, unfortunately the crystal anniversary I actually had was more of a crystal meth nightmare. (Oh sure, I would have been thankful to lose the weight but not the teeth.)

On the eve of our 15th anniversary, my loving and romantic husband told me he was taking me fishing at Lake Tahoe. Yeah, I was surprised, genuinely surprised, especially when he told me we had to be at the boat by 4:30 a.m.

I was speechless.

He ensured me that this was going to be a wonderful way to start the day. We both agreed that the crack of dawn was an extra romantic way to start the day.

Not to worry as he had asked his 86-year-old father to give us a 4 a.m. wake-up call. I knew immediately we’d be on time for the fishing trip with Captain Mike because the early bird gets the worm and Ralph’s dad wakes up that worm every day.

At around midnight the phone rang.

“Rise and shine. Time to go catch those whoppers,” Ralph’s dad said.

“But it can’t be 4 o’clock already,” Ralph moaned.

“It’s 4 o’clock and time to get up,” Ralph’s dad said.

“No way,” Ralph said.

This was followed by an argument over the correct time that only served to wake me up completely. An hour later, Ralph’s dad called back to say that he was indeed mistaken and in fact he had originally called us at midnight. I can’t tell you how happy I was that this fact was finally clarified.

There wasn’t much sleep for this worn -out mom that night. Did I mention that the kids were going with us? You could talk about your magical marital moments for hours or even days on end and I’ll bet fishing would never enter the conversation.

So we waddled onto Captain Mike’s boat at 4:30 a.m. as we were greeted with day-old sugar-encrusted muffins and 7-eleven coffee. This culinary breakfast delight was enhanced by the smell of stink bait. I quickly noticed that Captain Mike smelled more like stink bait gone bad.

I asked him if there were any little captains at home and he told me his wife had a whopper in the oven. I imagined for a brief demented moment that Captain Mike’s wife must react to the smell of stink bait as though it were an aphrodisiac. My grandma always said that every pot had its lid. What one stink-bait smelling warthog sees in another warthog is God’s magic.

Dylan immediately declared he wanted to set all of his fish free. When we nixed that idea he asked if he could keep them as pets. “Sure,” I thought, “As long as we keep them in the freezer.”

By 10 a.m. we stood before Captain Mike holding up our seven dead fish and smiling as though we were well rested and happy. It was then that I realized how much happiness I possessed. I had shared a Lake Tahoe sunrise with a family that didn’t exist 15 years ago.

Still, next time I’d prefer a cruise ship instead of a fishing boat.

Dona Nichols teaches journalism at San Jose State University and does stand-up comedy on the side at the Improv in downtown San Jose. She lives in Evergreen with her husband and three children. E-mail her at: DonaNichols@gmail.com.