December 7, 2006

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Gore: Hillary Run Could Destroy Planet

Says Clinton Candidacy Would Wreak Havoc with Climate, Penguins

Amid increasing signs that Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) is preparing to make a bid for the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination, former vice president Al Gore released a new film today in which he warns that Sen. Clinton’s candidacy could destroy the planet.

Mr. Gore, the Democratic standard bearer in 2000, makes the controversial charge in a sequel to his film “An Inconvenient Truth,” entitled “A Really, Really Inconvenient Truth.”

In the film, the former vice president says that Mrs. Clinton’s campaign war chest, estimated at over $20 million, would be spent on campaign buses and planes that would consume “egregious” amounts of fossil fuels and cause “catastrophic climate change.”

“As Hillary crisscrosses the country in her gas-guzzling Clintonmobile, we can expect to see the planet heat up like a big old bag of microwave popcorn,” Mr. Gore explains. “If we don’t want to see a bunch of penguins stranded on itty-bitty chunks of ice, Hillary Clinton must be stopped.”

At the conclusion of the film, Mr. Gore makes a personal appeal to his audience, saying, “Our choice is simple: Hillary Clinton, or the planet Earth.”

In Washington, Sen. Clinton responded that she cares deeply about the environment, adding, “Nothing has produced more dangerous levels of carbon dioxide than Al Gore’s piehole.”

Standing at her side, former President Bill Clinton said he supported his wife’s candidacy and relished a possible return to the White House, telling reporters, “Those were some good times.”

Elsewhere, President Bush said he would withhold judgment on the Iraq Study Group’s report until he had seen the Cliff’s Notes version.

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.