December 11, 2003

Senior Column

The club-sandwich guide to holiday enjoyment

By Cathleen Starr, M.S.
Special to the Times

So what’s the plan this year? Are you visiting relatives or are they visiting you? And how many generations are we talking about? Do you have the dubious distinction of being a part of the “sandwich generation?” Well, I’m coining a new phrase—the “club-sandwich generation!” That would be those of us caught in between three slices of family responsibility—our parents, our children and our grandchildren!

Do you see the holidays as a gently escalating magical time, or are they more like a roaring freight train screeching into your already maddening life? At the risk of recommending better living through clichés, I strongly recommend you tame this crazy holiday beast by planning ahead and living one day at a time. Although that may sound like a contradiction in terms, in reality it works.

As seniors, we’ve had lots of practice at handling the holidays, and of course meeting the changes that the years may bring. But as the longest living generation so far, we may need to get real and recognize that our sense of responsibility is becoming so broad, we may need to put on the brakes. How can we meet the holiday needs of all of those who depend on us throughout the year? The answer is simple. Start with maximizing your own strength and resolve, and chances are things will go better for all. The following are “Starr’s Seven Strategies for Senior Holiday Survival:”

1. I will set a holiday spending cap BEFORE I start shopping. In that budget I will include gifts, entertainment costs, wrapping, cards, stamps,
holiday clothes and travel.

2. I will shop online as often as possible, keeping a list of what I have ordered, to avoid duplicate gifts. Avoiding malls, crowds and parking lots during the holidays can add years to your life!

3. I will take care of myself. I will choose the celebrations I wish to attend. I will plan ahead, so that I am as engaged as I need to be. Too little activity can equal loneliness; too much, fatigue.

4. I will indulge my past holiday memories, but not allow them to engulf me. I will create new memories and traditions.

5. I will recognize that there is a place for both large and small holiday gatherings, and for spending time alone. The most satisfaction comes from the giving of time and love. Find ways to experience that.

6. I will remember this is a season of love, and that throwing money after it is not the only way to show affection (with the exception of teenagers, of course.)

7. I will raise my spirits and lower my expectations.

Happy Holidays and much love to all!

Cathleen Starr, M.S., is the director of Geriatric Advisory Program at Almaden Valley Counseling Service. The service educates and advises adult children of the elderly on elder issues and provides individual and family counseling. For more information, call (408) 268-1737 or e-mail castarr@sbcglobal.net