November 25, 2004

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Lincoln Bedroom found in Clinton Library

Historic Room Moved Piece by Piece to Arkansas

Visitors who turned out to see Bill Clinton’s presidential library on its opening day were stunned to find that the Lincoln Bedroom had been moved piece by piece from the White House to the Little Rock, Ark. shrine.

Beaming with pride, the former president revealed that he and his wife dismantled the Lincoln Bedroom shortly before leaving the White House in January of 2001, placing the pieces in suitcases with the intention of reassembling the historic room in Mr. Clinton’s presidential library.

While admission to the Clinton library is $7, tourists will be allowed to spend a night in the newly reconstituted Lincoln Bedroom for an additional $10,000, Mr. Clinton said.

In Little Rock for the opening ceremony, a visibly angry President Bush demanded that the Clintons return the historic bedroom to its rightful place “at once.”

But in a press conference in Washington, reporters grilled White House spokesman Scott McClellan about why the administration had not noticed that the bedroom was missing in the first place.

“Come on, guys,” Mr. McClellan pleaded. “We’re having a hard enough time trying to find bin Laden.”

Controversy aside, the opening day of the Clinton library was a big hit with visitors, many of whom enjoyed the educational exhibits, including one that explores what the meaning of the word “is” is.

In addition to the former president’s papers and memorabilia, the library contains over 80 million objects, many of them sperm.

Elsewhere, a U.S. military spokesman said that fighting this week spread from Fallujah to Mosul to the Vibe music awards in Santa Monica.


For more from Andy Borowitz, go to: www.borowitzreport.com

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