November 23, 2006

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Bush's Dad Asks For Keys to White House Back

Air Force One, President Grounded For Life

In yet another setback for President George W. Bush, his father, former President George H.W. Bush, appeared in the Oval Office today and demanded that his son give back the keys to the White House at once.

For the elder Mr. Bush, who has largely taken a hands-off approach during his son's first six years in office, the decision to demand the keys to his erstwhile residence was regarded as extraordinary.

But according to witnesses to the unprecedented confrontation, the senior Mr. Bush also demanded the keys to Air Force One and informed his son that he was “grounded for life.”

After the 41st president reprimanded the 43rd president for invading Iraq, the younger Mr. Bush attempted to offer a defense for his unilateral action, telling his father, “All of my friends said that it was a good idea.”

“Oh, and if all your friends told you to go AWOL from the Alabama National Guard, would you do that, too?” his father thundered. “Okay, well maybe that wasn’t the best example, but you get the point.”

Speaking to reporters later, the 41st president said that he forbade his son from spending time with Vice President Dick Cheney, calling him “a bad influence.”

“I told George to spend the weekend mowing that big lawn in front of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,” he said. “I want him to think long and hard about what he’s done.”

Elsewhere, the bipartisan Iraq Study Group issued recommendations for winning the war in Iraq, including putting former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld in charge of the insurgents.

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.