November 3, 2005

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Offers upbeat appraisal on ‘Larry King Live’

In a joint appearance on CNN’s “Larry King Live” with her husband, former President George H.W. Bush, former First Lady Barbara Bush offered a strikingly upbeat appraisal of the situation her son, President George W. Bush, finds himself in, telling Mr. King, “Things are working well for him.”

Speaking of her son’s plummeting approval ratings in the wake of the indictment of vice presidential aide I. Lewis Libby, Mrs. Bush seemed completely unconcerned, telling Mr. King, “His numbers were already in the toilet anyway.”

Mrs. Bush also offered words of encouragement to Mr. Libby himself, saying that in spite of being indicted on five counts relating to the outing of a CIA agent, “Things are working well for him.”

Even if he goes to prison, Mrs. Bush said, “He’ll be getting three square meals a day, and he won’t have to worry about Dick Cheney always stealing food from his plate.”

Attempting to change the subject, Mr. King asked the former president how he felt about the ongoing trial of his former nemesis, Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, but before he could respond, Mrs. Bush interrupted.

“Things are working well for him,” she said, adding that from what she could tell, the former dictator had lost a significant amount of weight and “he has never looked sexier.”

Moments later, the former president was seen crawling across the floor of Mr. King’s studio, unplugging a cable and plunging the broadcast into darkness.

Elsewhere, the networks scored big ratings with Halloween-themed programming, including an appearance on “60 Minutes” by Camilla Parker-Bowles.


For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.