October 26, 2006

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

White House Courts Vote of Amnesia Victim

Rove Masterminds Latest Electoral Strategy

A man who found himself in Denver with absolutely no memory of who he was or how he got there has now found himself at the epicenter of the midterm election campaign, as the White House moved aggressively today to court his vote.

The amnesia victim, who was known only as "Al" and could not recall any recent events, was instantly pegged as an "ideal voter" by G.O.P. political strategist Karl Rove, who flew the man to Washington today for a private meeting with President Bush in the White House.

"Here's a guy who has no memory of Iraq, Tom DeLay, Jack Abramoff, or Mark Foley," Mr. Rove told reporters today. "From where I sit, I think we have a chance at getting this guy's vote."

According to White House aides, the amnesia victim's meeting with the president went well, and was capped by Mr. Bush presenting him with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

"The guy didn't seem to know exactly why he was getting it," one aide said. "But then again, the same could be said of a lot of past recipients."

Mr. Rove said that given the president's success with "Al," the White House was currently putting together a national database of amnesia victims to help get them to the polls on November 7.

"Our message to the amnesiacs is clear," Mr. Rove said. "You may not remember anything else, but please remember to vote."

Elsewhere, a new Labor Department study shows that Americans with no skills, talents or job prospects will eventually wind up on "Dancing With the Stars."

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.