September 8, 2005

Aging Connection

Social Support — the key to living longer

By Vivian I. Silva
Gerontologist/MSW
Special to the Times

New research suggests that having a strong network of friends helps people live longer.

The surprise finding is that it’s the friendship network that’s key rather than one’s circle of relatives. The researchers speculate that friends might influence engagement in a healthier life style as well as help raise one’s self-esteem. (Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, July 2005)

Of course, this is not to negate the importance that social networks with relatives and children have in many other ways. Actually, people tend to rely more on family when their health declines and they have more restrictions.

However, friendships are very important. The following story will illustrate this point.

One reason I facilitate many groups is to encourage social support. I started “Lady Guinevere’s Round Table Discussion Group” and “The Women’s Circle” at senior centers in northern California to allow women to share their stories and experiences. One of the participants shared her story: “I have cancer, but took care of my husband for a year before he died of cancer,” she told me. “I lived in southern California, but my daughter brought me here to live near her.”

She had tears in her eyes as she thanked me for facilitating the group. Still grieving her husband’s death, she felt her daughter taking over her life as if she was helpless. Even though she appreciated her daughter’s concern, she missed her home, her friends and was afraid to be alone. She had to adjust to living in a retirement home. She was accustomed to her husband making the decisions.

Life slowly began to change for her while attending the women’s group. She felt less lonely and better prepared to communicate with her daughter. Trust began to build among the women in the group and she looked forward to socializing beyond the once-a-week class.

A shy, reserved and quiet woman, stepping into the senior center and joining the group took courage. The rewards of challenging her comfort zone were many: a network of supportive friendships and new tools for handling life’s unexpected transitions—widowhood, loss of longtime friends and her home.

The women began to go to lunch, and meet for other activities outside my program. They continue to help each other when one is sick. Out of these friendships, some become closer and that is of utmost importance—to have a strong network of confidants.

Others tell me they think it’s difficult to make new friends in later life. Fear of rejection is an issue they say. I tell them it’s worth the risk to try to find new friends, and not to restrict the age. Be open to both younger and older people. Take the first step and participate in activities at a community center, church, club, or senior center. In fact, the meal programs at senior centers became widespread in order to bring people together. The government acknowledged the importance of socializing with meals.

When the new acquaintance says, “Let’s go for a cup of tea,” say yes and take that first step in widening your circle of friends and social support network.

Vivian I. Silva, Gerontologist/MSW is the director of Geriatric Advisory Program of Almaden Valley Counseling Service. The service educates and advises adult children and elders on aging issues and provides individual and family consultations. For more information call (408) 975-2988 or e-mail vivsilva@aol.com.