August 19, 2004

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

McGreevey proposes tax cut for people living two lives

Supports changing state song to ‘Copacabana’


New Jersey Governor James McGreevey today announced an aggressive legislative agenda for his remaining months in office, including a substantial tax cut for those New Jersey taxpayers living two lives.

“Those who are living two lives are racking up twice the expenses of those living only one,” Mr. McGreevey said. “This tax cut would recognize that reality.”

Mr. McGreevey surprised many in the state by pushing forward with a host of new initiatives, including a proposal that would change the state song to “Copacabana.”

In addition to offering tax rebates to owners of Vespa scooters and Speedo swimsuits, Mr. McGreevey blocked a proposal to build a new arena for the New Jersey Nets, calling their uniforms “hideous.”

Instead, he said that he would support building a $600 million soccer stadium in Newark in the hopes of attracting British soccer star David Beckham.

In New Jersey, where flags flew at half-staff today to mark the end of Cher’s farewell tour, Democrats were deeply divided over whether Mr. McGreevey’s bold new agenda was good for their party.

In the words of one Democratic insider, “I wish he’d just go somewhere and disappear, like on John McEnroe’s show.”

But Mr. McGreevey, who said today that he would crack down on the manufacturers of so-called salon products that leave New Jersey taxpayers’ hair droopy and lifeless, seemed determined to stick around as the fall election battle heats up.

He advised Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry not to ignore the state in the months ahead, warning, “New Jersey could go either way.”

For more from Andy Borowitz, go to: www.borowitzreport.com

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