July 6, 2006

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

White House advisor, Prince of Darkness resume longtime collaboration

At a joint press conference today in Washington, White House advisor Karl Rove said that he would be plotting the Republican Party's fall election strategy with his longtime comrade-in-arms, Satan.

The Prince of Darkness, wearing his traditional red horns and cape and carrying a smoldering pitchfork, appeared to beam as Mr. Rove, his protégé, talked about how much he was looking forward to working with him on the fall campaign.

“Every time Satan and I get together, good things happen,” Mr. Rove said, adding, “Or should I say - bad things happen!”

The two of them then dissolved in laughter, demonstrating an easy collegiality that has made them an unbeatable team in past G.O.P. campaigns.

Satan's partnership with Mr. Rove goes back to 1994, when the two of them teamed up to orchestrate George W. Bush's first election as Governor.

But their work together reached its apogee, perhaps, during the 2004 presidential election, in which Mr. Rove and Satan devised the infernal “Swift Boat Veterans for Truth” campaign.

While Satan let Mr. Rove have most of the spotlight in the hour-long press conference, he did take the microphone to say that he had been “relieved” recently when the White House advisor was cleared of all charges in the CIA leak investigation.

“I can’t imagine running a Republican campaign without my buddy here,” he said, giving Mr. Rove a bear hug. “There are plenty of Satans out there, but there's only one Karl Rove.”

Elsewhere, Dan Rather retired from CBS after 44 years there but said that he would remain active in news and misinformation.

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.