July 1, 2004

Ladies in red

New women’s movement faces aging head on

By Kymberli W. Brady
Staff Writer

Imagine a colorful society where there are no rules or bylaws—only the conviction of thousands of women who have crested the hill of life to act upon their whims and wishes rather than wither away into old age. The social stigma that once doomed women in their 50s to spend the remainder of their lives as fragile, sedentary creatures is dead and has been replaced by an energetic sisterhood filled with merriment, memories, and plenty of living left to do.

Such is the mission of the Red Hat Society and its founder Sue Ellen Cooper, who started the movement in 1997 by presenting a friend on her 50th birthday with a bright red thrift store hat and a copy of a poem called “Warning,” by Jenny Joseph.

“When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple, and a red hat which doesn’t go and doesn’t suit me,” the poem begins. Paired with an ornate red hat, the concept soon became a popular birthday gift for women who had reached the half-century milestone in life. It has since grown into a worldwide “FUNomenon” of ladies eager to greet middle age with renewed vitality—served up with a healthy dose of humor as they don purple dresses and red hats, attend teas, travel to exotic destinations, appear in parades, and hit the open road on motorcycles—venturing hand-in-hand through the aging process.

Acting on the understanding that most women have devoted much of their lives to family, career and community, Cooper decided it was time to form an organization that would serve as a haven for “silliness and unfettered happiness.”

“We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life,” Cooper says. “And since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next.”

In her poem, “Ode to the Red Hat Society,” Cooper writes, “A poet put it very well. She said when she was older, she wouldn’t be so meek and mild; she threatened to get bolder. She’d put a red hat on her head, and purple on her shoulder. She’d make her life a warmer place, her golden years much golder” —words that have motivated women worldwide to embrace their golden years with class.

The “Sassy Divas” often meet at the Almaden Valley Athletic Club, but insist that scheduled meetings are much like the organizations bylaws and rules—or lack thereof. “It’s supposed to be a disorganization,” explains Mary Ann Smith, senior wellness director and newly elected Queen Mother. “It’s not meant to have the rules of an organized club. We’re old enough not to have to follow a schedule and we do what we want when we want. We don’t take ourselves too seriously.”

One of 26 Red Hat Society chapters in San Jose, they represent a small faction of the 25,000 chapters worldwide—a 600,000-member phenomenon that continues to spread like wildfire—changing the way women over 50 look at aging, while justifying the need to regress to the carefree and spontaneous days of their youth.

Most of the 27 “Sassy Divas” have known each other for several years and live in Almaden, Los Gatos, Campbell, and Willow Glen. Together, they plan monthly trips and encourage each other to do things they might not necessarily do on their own—they were a Red Hat Society before one actually existed according to Smith. Making it official last October formerly inducted them into a larger family, and they celebrated by dressing in full Red Hat Society regalia before boarding the Light Rail for a grand installation ceremony and dinner downtown.

While lighthearted fun remains the outlying motive, the ladies admit it is more about the bonds that are forged, both in good times and in bad. “It’s all about the sisterhood,” Smith exclaims. “Women helping women—a special camaraderie among those of us who are past 50.”

In addition to afternoon lunches and teas at the local country club, the Divas have indulged in spa retreats in Monterey, and monthly social gatherings at the Toll House in Los Gatos, along with field trips to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and the San Jose Museum of Art.

Nearby, the “Daddy’s Girls” chapter has become an unstoppable force in Campbell during the past year. The 14-member group of self-proclaimed “YaYa’s” attend Los Gatos Christian Church and travel from as far away as Gilroy and Morgan Hill for monthly outings. According to Queen Mother Ann Buck, the society offers an official outlet to be openly “fun and giddy.”

“We attract attention because we have so much fun,” she admits. “We were already getting together and doing things and were wondering what to call ourselves. We thought about the YaYa Sisterhood, but the Red Hatters was even better.”

Each month, the women proudly don their red hats and hop aboard the light rail for high tea at the Fairmont Hotel or meet for brunch at popular eateries such as Cinnabar Hills and Mandarin Gourmet. The flashy ladies have also been spotted at Bonfante Gardens, Fioli Gardens, and the Dunsmeir. Last month, they participated in the “Boogie on the Bayou,” parade in Campbell, tossing beads, candy, and coins to spectators in true Mardi Gras style.

Monthly “chick flick” movie nights have become another popular event with the club. “We recently watched ‘Calendar Girls’ together,” Buck laughs. “Afterwards, we said there’s enough of us, maybe we should do our own calendar!”

Amidst the fun and frolicking, Buck admits that the most rewarding aspect of the club lies in simply having lady friends to do things with. “We really enjoy each other,” she says. “We love the fellowship and friendship. The activities are just an excuse to go out and have fun.”

On a more serious note, while The Red Hat Society prides itself on offering a sanctuary for rediscovering one’s youth, studies continue to shed additional light on the positive emotional and physical impact the organization is having on its members. Physicians are now prescribing membership to patients in an effort to improve their physical and mental health.

“The escalating number of Red Hatters continues to amaze and thrill me, but there is another aspect of all this that is even more gratifying,” says Cooper. “We get e-mails every day from women who say that adding Red Hat Society membership to their lives has been like finding an oasis in the desert of life. The quality of sisterhood that has developed is amazing.”

Since its inception, members of the Red Hat Society have been a largely online community—logging on to the Internet to share their quirky true-life escapades with others around the world. Many of the stories were so popular that Cooper compiled the group’s first book, “The Red Hat Society: Fun and Friendship After 50,” released last April by Warner Books. It is currently listed on the New York Times’ Paperback Advice bestseller list.

For those under 50 who feel left out, junior members or “ladies in waiting” are encouraged to join, but must agree to don pink in lieu of red and lavender instead of purple until they earn the right of passage, culminating in a “Reduation” ceremony on their 50th birthday.

The group’s self-proclaimed “disorganization” caught the media’s attention early on, and has since been widely acknowledged on television, newspapers and national magazines, including Romantic Homes, Good Housekeeping, Women’s Day, the Chicago Tribune, the New York Times, and the Boston Globe.

In April 2002, nearly 400 women attended the Red Hat Society’s first national convention in Chicago. The second—held in Nashville last year drew 2,000 Red Hatters to the official home of country music. This year, an estimated 2,500 women took Dallas by storm—in waves of red and purple during their third successful gathering, leaving Cooper to ponder one fanciful feat—could world domination be far behind?

Her poem best sums up the stamina of the Red Hat Society, where she writes, “We laugh, we cry, we hug a lot. We keep each other strong. When one of us goes out for fun, the rest all go along. We gad about, we lunch and munch, in one big happy throng. We’ve found the place where we fit in, the place we all belong.”

For more information on the Red Hat Society, including chapters in your area, visit www.redhatsociety.com.