June 2, 2005

Times FeatureMurry Frymer

I bet I’m busier than you

By Murry Frymer
Times Media Newspapers

I notice that retired people have a way of one-upping their friends and competitors (same thing). They will let it be known that they have never been busier, that life is so full that they are exhausted at each day’s end.

We writers are especially obnoxious on this count, letting our buddies know about all the projects on our computers. “Yes, I’m working on about six books,” I keep hearing, usually followed by, “I wish I had my old job back so I could relax.”

Well, we all have our own definitions of “golden,” as in years. A piece in the New York Times warns: “It is not aging that frightens people. It’s the fear of becoming uninspired and unwilling to try new things.” Actually that’s an ad from agewave.com and I don’t know what it’s selling, but there are more to come, it says.

Retired folks are constantly told they might live to 90, so why not go out and start a business, or a novel, or a new family or follow Grandma Moses in the art game.

The major industry all this is starting, I’d say, is retirement guilt. What… you have time to watch television? I know I do and what I see many days on C-Span is fascinating, taking me all over the country for conferences, book talks, debates at universities, stuff I could never get to before I had this time. And I could add a number of channels to that grab-bag.

This is not a proposal for couch-potato status. For some, dying at their office desks or factory table is the definition of a life well lived. Given the way pensions and Social Security are taking hits, that dream ending might be a common future.

But there are other ways to go. I am a big advocate of diving into family life the way you couldn’t when the office took up all your time. Family is what you’ve got left after your office friends disappear and if you play it right you will be highly rewarded, as will the family. And I think not enough is made of reflection and learning, now that time allows for it. There is so much more to our own lives than we can understand in the younger years. There should be a time to sort it out.

And, yes, sort out what else is out there, on a broader scale or by delving deeper into one interest that fascinates you. Travel can come into play here.

If you are lucky enough to have your finance ducks all in a row providing what you need to retire, than you find the retirement years relieve you of one anxiety that followed you all your life—making more and more money.

The struggle to improve our style of living wanes for the retired. If you’re not rich at that point, you won’t be. Health, not wealth, becomes the goal (though, unfortunately, you need money for that).

I am uncomfortable trying to be an advice columnist; especially since I am the last person I’d come to for that. But for all those who think that one’s schedule should be full, even in retirement, I’d mumble, in self-defense, that it is the freedom that I find most appealing at this time. Most of what I did in my various jobs was not that enthralling. And I never did get rich.

But maybe I got a little smarter and that tells me that being terribly busy is not necessarily the mark of a life well lived. After all, my cats have always stopped to smell the roses and they are the smartest folks I know.

Contact Murry at murry@timesmediainc.com.