May 26, 2005

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Pix reflect poorly on them, ex-dictator’s doubles say

Just days after photographs of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein in his underpants were published by newspapers around the world, look-alikes of the ex-strongman took to the streets of Baghdad, protesting that the unflattering photos reflect poorly on them.

Sami Shamoom al-Mumayaz, who worked as a Saddam look-alike for 15 years before the dictator’s fall in the spring of 2003, expressed the view of many of the outraged look-alikes who clogged the streets of the capital: “We are humiliated and mortified that people will think that this is what we look like naked.”

Over 7,000 of the former dictator’s look-alikes marched through the streets of Baghdad, incensed at the notion that the world would now believe they shared Saddam’s saggy, paunchy physique.

“It’s bad enough being a former Saddam look-alike,” Mr. al-Mumayaz said. “But it adds insult to injury to have people think that you have his fat ass.”

The former doppelganger of Iraq’s one-time tyrant said that since the photos have come out, he has suffered ridicule at the hands of those who believe he shares Saddam’s lack of body tone and muscle definition.

“You don’t know what it’s like to have children chase you down the street shouting ‘man-boobs, man boobs!’” he said.

Despite his bitterness, however, Mr. al-Mumayaz had advice for his former employer: “He should stop worrying about his trial and start doing some crunches.”

Elsewhere, First Lady Laura Bush said that her new stint as a diplomat would be successful because she has lived with a non-English-speaking person for years.


Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humorist. Visit www.Borowitzreport.com for more of his columns. Purchase THE BOROWITZ REPORT: THE BIG BOOK OF SHOCKERS, only $8.96 at Amazon.com.