May 4, 2006

Silicon Valley Mom

Forget Disneyland, let’s visit the giant colon!

By Dona Nichols
Times columnist

There’s a 40-foot replica of a human colon on display at the Camden Community Center in San Jose. When I saw the picture in the Merc of the little boy running through the giant colon, I thought to myself, “Why doesn’t my community ever get to host any cool organs?”

Nothing says family fun quite like an interactive giant colon. This one is named Coco and, really, shouldn’t we all have names for our colons?

A 40-foot replica of a human colon

When my kids were just babies I named their toes. Starting with the little toe, their names are Inky Pea, Penny Rue, Rudy Whistle, Mary Tousle and Old Tom Bumbo. To this day whenever they hurt a toe, they identify it by name.

Most recently, Alexis came running into the house crying, “Cody stepped on my Tom Bumbo on purpose and now the toenail is coming off!”

I always knew which toe my kids had injured because they always called it by its name. When Alexis’ Rudy Whistle got stung by a bee, I knew exactly where to look.

Naming our body parts helps to humanize them and give them their own persona. It also makes them responsible for their shortcomings. Looking down at Thelma, the thigh, I can clearly see that she’s letting the rest of the team down. Betty the Boob, and her twin sister have been sagging disappointments as well.

Back to Coco, the 40-foot colon, which, by the way, is available for rent. Next time you’re planning a birthday party for your child, don’t settle for a trite jumpy room. Instead, rent Coco the Colossal Colon.

I wonder if there are other giant body parts for rent like fallopian tubes or kidneys? You could probably make a piñata that looks like a pancreas. Forget Raging Waters for those summer parties. All it takes is a water hose to turn Coco into a water slide.

You’ll be the envy of all your neighbors when they see children frolicking between the diverticulosis and the polyps.
There are other benefits to colon play structures too. Besides being educational, I’ll just bet that gang members would think twice before spray-painting graffiti on a massive colon.

Anaheim has Disneyland, Santa Cruz has the Mystery Spot and the good folks of Cawker City, Kansas have the world’s largest ball of twine. San Jose deserves something unique. Citizens of Almaden Valley I implore you to write Councilmember Pyle and tell her that Almaden needs its own giant colon.

Dona Nichols teaches journalism at San Jose State University and does stand-up comedy on the side at the Improv in downtown San Jose. She lives in San Jose with her husband and three children. E-mail her at: DonaNichols@gmail.com.