April 29, 2004

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Bob Woodward gets J.D. Salinger to talk

Latest Coup for Journalistic Magic Man

Fresh off the success of his latest bestseller, “Plan of Attack” author Bob Woodward has scored another coup, convincing “Catcher in the Rye” author J.D. Salinger to give his first interview in decades.

According to Mr. Woodward, the reclusive novelist opened his home to the reporter and gave him “unfettered access” to his unpublished manuscripts, notes and diaries, none of which had ever been seen by anyone but Mr. Salinger himself.

In addition, Mr. Salinger sat with Mr. Woodward for hours on end, regaling him with personal anecdotes and observations that he had kept private for the past 50-odd years.

Even Mr. Woodward, who is well known for his ability to get normally tight-lipped subjects to speak on the record, said he was “surprised” by how forthcoming and even “chatty” Mr. Salinger became.

“After awhile, I couldn’t get him to stop talking,” Mr. Woodward said. “I was like, I know he’s J.D. Salinger and all, but when is he going to shut his pie hole?”

To Professor David Emmonds, a Salinger scholar at the University of Minnesota who had been pleading with the literary hermit to speak to him for the past three decades, Mr. Woodward’s journalistic coup was a bitter pill to swallow: “What does Woodward have, a hypno-coin?”

As for Mr. Salinger, he flatly refused to tell reporters today why he agreed to speak to Mr. Woodward, giving every indication of resuming his decades-long silence.

But according to Mr. Woodward, it was all a matter of one simple phone call: “Salinger told me, ‘You had me at Woodward.’”

For more go to: www.borowitzreport.com

The critics are raving about GOVERNOR ARNOLD: A Photodiary of His First 100 Days in Office. GOVERNOR ARNOLD is available for $9.95 at Amazon.com.