April 27, 2006

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

No exceptions, says new White House Chief of Staff

Just days after forcing the resignation of White House spokesman Scott McClellan and reducing the role of political advisor Karl Rove, newly installed White House chief of staff Joshua Bolten stunned Beltway observers today by stripping himself of power as well.

Moving from his spacious corner office to a card table in the hallway, Mr. Bolten explained his extraordinary decision to reduce his own role at the White House to almost nothing.

"I have been stripping people of power around here and this sends the message that there are no exceptions," Mr. Bolten said.

Mr. Bolten said that the only power he would retain would be "the power to strip other people of power," adding that he had just stripped Postmaster General John E. Potter of the ability to mail letters or buy stamps.

While Mr. Bolten's decision to strip himself of power struck some in Washington as perplexing, political scientist Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota called it "a political masterstroke."

"Right now, the Bush administration's approval ratings are at an all-time low," Mr. Logsdon said. "It will be reassuring for the American people to know that every man and woman in the White House now has less power to do any harm."

But Mr. Logsdon said he did not believe that it was necessary for Mr. Bolten to strip President Bush of power, explaining, "Dick Cheney did that years ago."

Elsewhere, after wife Katie Holmes gave birth on Tuesday, Tom Cruise informed the people of the world that it was "OK" for them to make noise again.

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.