April 7, 2005

Aging Connection

Dialing for resources

By Vivian I. Silva,Gerontologist/MSW
Special to the Times

The city of San Jose recently assessed the needs of the elders in the community and in a report stated that a common complaint was difficulty for the public to locate and connect with senior resources.

The good news is that the big question of where does one go when needing help with aging issues or problems will soon be addressed by an organized team of professionals. This problem is not new. For years I’ve heard clients complain about the difficulty experienced when trying to navigate the senior service network.

Yes, the Geriatric Advisory Program (GAP) is here to help you find resources appropriate for your situation.

However, there are times when someone leaves a phone message but the call back number is wrong, making it impossible for us to follow up. In addition to local calls, I often receive phone messages from out of state caregivers. At times the messages are incomplete—no area code, or they are short a digit, or the callers don’t say their last name.

Other service providers share my frustration at not being able to help someone access resources, especially when the voice message is incomplete and reveals an emotional plea for help. These incomplete messages occur often enough to warrant a glimpse at why this might happen and what we can do to prevent even more frustration when seeking solutions to aging issues.

Why does this happen?
Stress and anxiety during a crisis can often hinder our ability to communicate. We already know how stress can interfere with our behavior. A shared example was when a woman put her soiled blouses in the car and drove to the dry cleaners only to continue driving a couple of stop lights beyond her destination—this was not dementia at the time but rather stress due to a difficult family situation.

After many attempts to get the appropriate person to talk to us, anger and frustration may impede our clear thinking. Do you get tired of hearing a recording that describes seven different numbers to press depending on the question? After a few options you realize you might have missed the opportunity to press the correct number but don’t remember which number? Or, are you mentally exhausted from holding on the line while you wait for someone to finally get back to answer your question? All of these reasons can cause us to make mistakes when leaving a message.

Practical tips to get the information you need
Sometimes I can hear the anxiety in a caller’s voice and the desperate plea with trying to find immediate help for their family member or elder friend. If you don’t receive a call back, whether from my office or another service provider you are trying to get information from, the following tips might help:

- Write down important information before the call and keep your message brief.

- Remember to take a couple of slow breaths before you pick up the phone to dial.

- Speak up and speak clearly.

- State your full name, spelling out the last name.

- Repeat your phone number and include your area code.

- If you feel the situation is an emergency, then by all means, don’t hesitate to call 911.

- Make sure that you dialed the correct number.

Resources
Recently several important calls have gone unanswered because of incomplete information left on my answering machine. I had the doctor’s number for the woman looking for a new physican for her parent living in San Mateo. I would call the woman interested in an evening caregiver support group if I had her number. I know the number for the social service agency in Sacramento. I have recommendations for the husband and wife looking for housing options. And, I was available to do a home assessment of the elder neighbor. Unfortunately I was unable to share this information.

I encourage you to share the seven tips with your friends and family so they too get the information they are looking for, when they need it.

Social service agencies exist to provide services. If you don’t get a call back, please assume they didn’t get your message and call again. When you call back, remember to say that you already left a message but never received a response. Hopefully, you will then be a priority on their list of calls to return.

I try to return my calls as quickly as I can. Consultations, home visits and assessments do keep me out of the office but I check my voice mail frequently. Be in charge, dial—and remember to breathe!

Vivian I. Silva, Gerontologist/MSW is the director of Geriatric Advisory Program at Almaden Valley Counseling Service. The service educates and advises adult children and elders on aging issues and provides individual and family consultation. For more information call (408) 975-2988 or e-mail vivsilva@aol.com.