March 20, 2008

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

McCain concludes fact-hiding mission to Iraq

Mac: ‘Omission Accomplished’

Presumptive G.O.P. nominee John McCain wrapped up his fact-hiding mission to Iraq today, declaring the trip an unqualified success.

“My friends, I came to Iraq to hide the facts about the way the war is going, and in that I have succeeded,” Sen. McCain told reporters. “Omission accomplished.”

Sen. McCain praised his campaign staff for steering clear of visual evidence of recent violence in Baghdad: “Thanks to the hard work of my advance team, the surge has the appearance of working.”

The Arizona senator said that his trip to Iraq was successful in part because he was able to obscure the actual facts with new facts of his own creation.

“It’s a well known fact that Iran is training al-Qaeda,” Sen. McCain said. “And if it wasn’t a well-known fact before, it is now.”

In a speech commemorating the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, President Bush echoed Sen. McCain’s fact-hiding theme.

“As far as the war is concerned, the facts speak for themselves,” Mr. Bush said. “So I won’t mention any of them.”

Mr. Bush acknowledged that the war still presented certain challenges, but concluded on an upbeat note: “Iraq today is in better shape than Bear Stearns.”

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.