February 1, 2007

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Bush Sends Surge of 20,000 Democratic Presidential Candidates to Iraq

Army Transport Planes Arrive in Iowa

Showing his determination to increase the U.S. military presence in Iraq, President George W. Bush said today that he would send 20,000 Democratic presidential candidates surging into Baghdad.

In recent days, Congress has balked at Mr. Bush’s request for more troops, but by dispatching the Democratic presidential hopefuls the president appears to have circumvented his critics.

“A lot of these candidates seem to think they can do a better job in Iraq,” Mr. Bush chuckled. “This is their chance to prove it.”

The president said that Army transport planes would arrive in Iowa later in the day to transport Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-New York), Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.), and 19,998 other Democratic candidates to Baghdad.

“This really is a win-win,” White House spokesman Tony Snow told reporters. “I think I speak for everyone at the White House when I say that we can’t wait until these folks board those planes for Iraq.”

But even as Mr. Snow praised the president’s decision to dispatch thousands of presidential hopefuls to Baghdad, he fielded a question from a reporter who asked if the so-called surge would stretch the nation’s supply of Democratic candidates too thin.

“By our count, even after we send the 20,000, there will be more than 40,000 Democratic presidential candidates in reserve,” Mr. Snow said. “That’s more than enough in case war breaks out in Iran or North Korea.”

Elsewhere, wrapping up a weekend visit to urban areas in the U.S., Britain’s Prince Charles said he felt he had “much in common” with many of the Americans he met: “I, too, have no job.”

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.