January 27, 2005

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Madman despondent over royal snub, friends say

Associates of Saddam Hussein said today that the deposed Iraqi dictator was “hurt and confused” by Britain’s Prince Harry’s decision to go to a costume party dressed as Adolf Hitler and not as him.

According to friends of the Iraqi madman, Mr. Hussein had received assurances from the young Windsor that he intended to go to the party in a Saddam Hussein costume, right down to the former dictator’s trademark evil moustache.

But at the 11th hour, associates said, something went “terribly wrong” and Prince Harry opted to go as Hitler instead.

Since photos of Harry as Hitler surfaced in the worldwide press, Mr. Hussein has been “despondent and in seclusion,” friends said, and has thus far refused to discuss the royal snub.

“For Saddam to be passed over by Prince Harry has to be a major comedown,” one friend said. “Remember, we’re talking about the guy who used to be the Ace of Spades.”

It has been a rough year for the Iraqi madman, who earlier this fall saw sales of Saddam Hussein Hal-loween masks plunge 70 percent.

According to one friend of the former dictator, Mr. Hussein now fears that his status as an evildoer may be on the line.

“Between Prince Harry giving him the shaft and the U.S. announcing that they were giving up the search for his weapons, he’s had a rough couple of weeks,” the friend said.

Elsewhere, Harvard University President Lawrence Summers said that his controversial remarks about the sexes were taken out of context: “What I actually said was, women aren’t good at math and science, but they sure are easy on the eyes.”

Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humorist. Visit www.Borowitzreport.com for more of his columns. Purchase THE BOROWITZ REPORT: THE BIG BOOK OF SHOCKERS, only $8.96 at Amazon.com.