January 4, 2007

TIMES HUMOR: BOROWITZ REPORT

Obama Posing Threat to Rock Stars, Rock Stars Fear

Millions forsake music idols for Illinois Senator

Potential 2008 presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) is posing a serious threat to the nation’s rock stars as millions of Americans abandon their favorite recording idols to worship the junior senator from Illinois instead, a representative of the nation’s rock stars said today.

Carol Foyler, director of the National Association of American Rock Stars, said that Sen. Obama is “consistently outdrawing” rock acts such as Aerosmith and Metallica, putting the future of America’s rock stars in jeopardy.

“If there are empty seats at our shows, they can be explained in two words: Barack Obama,” Ms. Foyler said. “Sen. Obama is the greatest single threat to rock ‘n’ roll since Napster.”

Just last week, the Illinois senator drew a standing-room-only crowd at New York’s Shea Stadium as part of his sold-out “Obamapalooza” tour.

“My name is Barack Obama,” he told the 80,000-plus crowd, who screamed with delight and held Bic lighters in the air, begging for an encore.

“I used to follow R.E.M., but now I’m into Barack,” said Tracey Klujian, 34, one of the thousands of new Obama fans in attendance. “This dude is audacious.”

While Mr. Obama’s eight-minute performance was shorter than some of his fans would have liked, he did unveil a possible slogan for a 2008 candidacy: “Vote for Barack Obama.”

The slogan got a huge reaction from his fans, including Mr. Klujian.

“I loved the slogan,” Mr. Klujian said. “It’s audacious.”

Elsewhere, the tribute to “Star Wars” in the 118th Rose Parade was an enormous hit, parade officials said, drawing the largest crowd of virgins in history.

For more from Andy Borowitz go to www.borowitzreport.com. Andy Borowitz is a nationally syndicated humor columnist whose work can be found in Newsweek and other publications.